'Twas the night before Christmas...

‘Twas the night before Christmas…
I remember last Christmas. I would look down at my enormous belly and smile. I couldn’t wait until this year when I would have my little angel and it would be her first Christmas. I had these visions of her sitting in the kitchen watching me bake, listening intently while I would sing traditional Christmas carols. I just knew that next year would be magical.
Fast forward to this week… Not so magical.
Hayden is my eccentric little diva. (Disclaimer: She has turned my life upside down but I don’t think I would have it any other way). This season I have referred to her as my “Angry Little Elf”. She is not in the least bit amused that it’s Christmas. God knows I have told her a million times that Santa is watching. I don’t know who’s crazier, Hayden for not fearing the almighty Santa or me for thinking that my nine month old gives a crap about a fat man with a horrible wardrobe. .
Two great things happened last week. First, after trying for weeks, Hayden began to crawl! A couple days later, she mastered the pincer grasp! I was so incredibly proud. Then I realized that she could crawl directly to the Christmas tree and throw a tantrum when I wouldn’t let her grab the ornaments. She became an expert in the pincer grasp while she picked up the pine needles off the ground and ate them. This was the first call of the season to the pediatrician- advice: “Keep an eye on her poop for them to come out”. I never did see those pine needles, but those little turds did smell winter fresh. Really… they did.
Oh, did I mention Hayden is obsessed with paper and cords? Yep. Just about any paper or any cord will do. I swear, the child has 3000 toys, but she will throw a full blown tantrum (screaming, back arching, head banging) until she finds a magazine, toilet paper, or cell phone cord. When I get stressed enough to scream (or eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerrys) I put on Dora the Explorer. Honestly, what does that crazy little cartoon chica have over my Angry Little Elf? Whenever she’s on, she becomes hypnotized and actually resembles a well behaved child… muy bien! I figured this would be a good time to wrap the four gifts I had managed to find time to buy. How nice, I thought, she’s being quiet and I might actually be able to wrap these gifts. Within five minutes I notice something in her mouth. I shrieked and grabbed her. She, of course, managed to eat a decent size chunk of wrapping paper (Santa wrapping paper of course… the irony). This prompted the second call of the season to the pediatrician- advice: “Keep an eye on her poop for the paper to come out”. Again, I never saw the paper in her poop. I did see some whole blueberries though. I actually wondered whether since they came out whole, if they would taste the same if you took them out of the poop and ate them again. (Did I actually just write that? Whatever, you know you would have wondered the same thing.)
On a particular horrible car ride to my mother’s house (screaming the whole way) I made up this song to try to soothe her…
(To the tune of “Oh, Christmas Tree”)
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
I want to pull off your ornaments…
I try so haaaard everyday
But Mommy puuuulls me away…
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
I want to eat your branches…
There are so many giiiiifts under the tree….
But Mommy says none are for me….
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
I want to eat your branches…
Needless to say, Hayden was not amused.
I woke up this past weekend with a death wish. I turned to my husband, Paul, and said “We’re going to take a picture with Santa”. I should have known that this was not a good idea by the look of fear in his eyes. What I didn’t anticipate was the hour wait in line at the Stamford Mall. I was getting nervous. Hayden had eaten all her rice cookies, her bottle, an entire cup of Puff’s and some cooked apples. It was only a matter of time before all hell would break loose. Just as she let out her first scream (and every Mom in the line glared at me as though I were Octomom), it was our turn. I looked at Santa (who was dripping with sweat and smelled like Fritos) and whispered “I’m going to hand her to you and run next to the photographer. Good luck.” A look of panic crossed his face as I quickly dumped my Angry Little Elf on his lap and ran off. She let out a scream that had the salespeople at Brookstone coming out to see what was going on. Then something no one saw coming happened. She simply stared at him. She stared at him, and then she stared at me. For once, she was the one who was confused. Maybe it was his stench. Maybe it was his glasses (which she grabbed and put in her mouth… I wonder if they tasted like Fritos) but at the end of the day I have a great picture of her staring at the camera. She’s not smiling, but then again, she’s not screaming either.
Exhausted, my husband and I took her home. We sat her down on her play mat and opened a bottle of Pinot Noir to relax. Ironically, she managed to rip a page out of the book “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” and ate it. I opted not to call the pediatrician this time. I have an idea what she would have said.
So, is Christmas any different this year than last? You bet. Is it the vision of perfection that I anticipated? Nope. Would I have it any other way? Not in a million years.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night…. (well, hopefully a night that isn’t interrupted with bouts of screaming!)
****Hi, I'm Anna and will be writing a new blog every Friday about my life as a first time mommy! I hope you enjoy my adventures and please feel free to leave me comments or to e-mail me with any thoughts. Best wishes for a fantastic holiday and for an incredible New 2010!****