Pre-School University

Pre-School University

When you teach your child ridiculous pet names for their privates, you don’t really think that one day you will have to explain those names to their teachers.  There’s something amusing about making up a word and using it whenever referring to their little tushies/butts/behinds/bums- or in Hayden’s case, tookus. 

When we looked at different pre-schools for Hayden, it felt like the college search process.  We visited different schools in different towns.  We had to consider their tuition, their teaching philosophy’s, their credentials, whether Hayden could get in (waitlists? Are you kidding?)- Really, as a society we’ve done an incredible job of making the selection of a nursery school the most stressful experience for a new parent.  It’s seriously almost a status thing- I remember calling one pre-school and when I heard the tuition was over $30,000 a year, my heart skipped a beat.  One friend justified it though- She said it was the “it” pre-school.  Really?  There’s such a thing as the “it” preschool?  Most these kids still crap their pants.

We finally found our perfect balance of affordability (and I use the term “affordable” very, very loosely), location and got that “warm fuzzy feeling”.  The night of orientation for parents, I immediately fell in love with Hayden’s new teachers to be.  They were young and seemed fun- and I knew Hayden would love them too.   I was right.

After having panic attacks for many weeks, the first day of school came.  I can guarantee you that I was much more nervous than she was.  We walked into the classroom and something happened that I never suspected- Hayden ran up to one of her teachers and gave her the biggest hug ever.  She was so excited to meet her teacher and be at “big girl school”.  I was relieved, but the reality was I had to face the music.  I had to explain to these normal looking adult women, who were in charge of my child, all of her quirks.  I had planned it in my head exactly how I would calmly explain her slang words, weird actions and hardships- but when the smart/pretty young teacher asked me if there was anything special she should know about Hayden, this is what I said… (imagine me stuttering and speaking ridiculously fast)…

“Um, yeah, she calls her rear end a tookus, her vajajay is called a stellina which translates into Italian for little star (nervous giggle)- She’s afraid of puppets.  She watches way too much TV, it’s kind of my fault and I know that the Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t suggest that, I’ll stop keeping it on so much.  She doesn’t know any of her colors, my Mom thinks she might be color blind… oh, and she’s completely OCD about washing her hands.” 

Insert awkward silence.

“Don’t worry, most two year olds don’t know their colors yet.  She’s probably not color blind”

Sigh.

Hayden loves school like no other.  She can’t wait to go in the morning.  She adores her teachers.  Every ounce of work we put into finding this place and every penny was well worth it.  My good friend sent her daughter there as well.  We thought it would be a good idea to send them together so they would each have a familiar face.  This has worked out incredibly well and the girls love each other. 

One night, my friend and I were out having dinner and cocktails (NOT with the girls)- after a few glasses of wine, I checked my iPhone and sure enough there was an email from the director.  For the record, I wasn’t aware that the woman in charge of the school was called a director.  In the email, she asked if both of us would be the room mom’s for all the two year olds.  Of course, it was coincidental that we were together when seeing this email- and also coincidental that we had been drinking… So here is the response we sent…

“Dear Head Mistress,

We would be honored to be the room mom’s.  We feel as though there should be some mandatory uniform for us to wear to events.  We will absorb any costs related to this uniform. We also like name tags, please let us know if you would like for us to pick some up for our first meeting.

Thanks again!”

We thought we were so funny and hip.  We were humiliated the next morning.  I knew we had picked the right place once again, when the “head mistress” responded that she knew she had made the right decision asking us.  I’ll never know how stupid she thinks we are- but she does a great job acting as though we are normal Moms.

Ready for the part of the story where things get really sad?  Our pre-school burnt down last Sunday night.  Yep… It. Burnt. Down.

My heart is broken.  All Hayden’s stuff in her locker, the pictures she painted hanging on the walls, photos of all the kids laughing- gone.

I keep telling her that we’re on “vacation” from school and she doesn’t know any better, but she keeps asking when she can go back.  We’re having a meeting of all the parents this Thursday to talk about what will happen now.  I’m praying they can secure another location to finish out the year.  Out of all the dumb things that can happen… No one was hurt, fire is still under investigation, and the community out pouring of support is amazing. 

I’ll let you know what happens…