Guess who hates flying?

Guess Who Hates Flying?
As I sit here and wonder what I’m going to write about Hayden’s first cross country trip, I can’t help but to smile. Sure, at the time I would have gladly killed my neighbor to get myself and child off the plane, but I survived. And lucky for my neighbors, they did too.
We were off to sunny, warm San Diego to watch my baby sister graduate from the University of San Diego. I couldn’t wait to see my sister, to lay on the beach, to take Hayden to Disneyland- but there was one major problem we had to conquer… the five and a half hour flight with the most temperamental 14 month old I know.
I was so worried about the flight, that I almost forgot about the three hour time change we were about to encounter. Hayden’s sleep schedule is pretty rigid and I should have known that she would be a very angry diva when it came to her sleep. First mistake, I woke her up at 4 a.m. My Mom said to me- (insert deep Italian accent here) “Anna, let the baby sleep and bring her sleeping. We’ll change her once we get to the airport.” But since I know everything, I assumed that if I woke her up at 4 a.m. she would be exhausted by the time we boarded the flight at 8 a.m, pass out for five and a half hours and BAM, we’d be in California ready to party. I guess I should have taken it as a sign that this wasn’t the best of ideas as I tried to wake her up and she just kept repeating “Oh, No… Oh, No…” over and over again. We got her dressed and headed over to my parent’s house to pick them up. She cried the entire way to JFK. Fantastic. This was going well. Once we got to the airport things got better since she had so much to look at. We were a circus going through the airport. My parents, my husband, myself and Hayden brought four luggage that weighed an amazing 50 pounds each, four carry on’s, a diaper bag, two electronic bags, a car seat, a pack and play and a stroller. Sigh. We boarded the plane and sat and sat and sat. It was taking forever for this plane to take off. Since we are idiots, we opted to exercise the “lap infant” instead of ponying up the extra $300 for her seat. She sat on my Mother’s lap (she permanently attached herself to my Mom for the entire trip… gave me a break)- All of a sudden I smelled a certain kind of funk that can only come from my little princess. Sure enough, full stinky diaper. We were not allowed to leave our seats. I sat frozen while I smelled her diaper convinced everyone on the plane could smell it too. My “regular” little girl who poops once a day pooped three times on that flight. Ever change a poop diaper on a plane when there’s a line at the toilet? I have. Not fun.
While we were boarding, I saw a little boy about Hayden’s age. He had a shirt on with a picture of a plane and it read “Lucky you, you get to sit next to me”- Mental note, get one of those shirts for Hayden next time. Anyway, after the first poop episode, my plan came true. Hayden fell asleep. For thirty full minutes. Then she woke up. More pissed than before. There’s really only so much fussing you can take before you just have to let her free to do her thing. This actually improved her mood very much. I let her crawl and cruise up the aisle. She ate every snack I packed. She disappeared under the seat and kept returning with people’s random things. We collected a NY Times Newspaper, an US weekly magazine, some potato chip wrappers, and my personal favorite, a chap stick.
Then she decided that she loved everything. My child, for whom I fight with to get kisses, decided she wanted to kiss everything and everyone. She kissed the little television (several times) while her cartoons were on, she kissed the airplane food tray (eww), she kissed every single one of her crayons (and colored on the airplane food travel… sorry Jetblue), she kissed the emergency pamphlet, and of course, she kissed the airplane seat… repeatedly.
I would like to take this time to file a formal complaint with the recall people who recalled every damn medication for infants. My master plan had always been to “Benadryl” my diva- in a healthy “put your baby to sleep for an extended time” kind of way. Anyway, they did and I couldn’t find a bottle of it anywhere. I had to settle for the generic Walgreens fake Tylenol. They advertise “non-drowsy” on their stupid label like it’s a good thing. Idiots.
The way home wasn’t much easier. She completed her forty minute nap when we took off and began to fuss. She found a way to poop three times on the way home as well (how about that for consistency?) and lucky for us there were several children on the flight home. Once I had enough, I took the window seat, pulled my earphones on, and promptly passed out. I hoped no one would know I was with this crazy family trying to keep this screaming one year old quiet. Next thing I knew, I woke up to a random kid painting my jeans. Apparently, Hayden started a play group on the plane right next to our seats. Fun. Within a few minutes, an aggravated stewardess came and broke up the gang of five children under two that had convened in my row. The men in the row in front of us continuously gave us the “stank eye”. There’s a bit of me that understood their frustration, but there’s the Mommy in me that still wanted to kick their butts.
Nevertheless, I survived. I’m stronger now. I can conquer the world.
More to come regarding the rest of the trip… Missed you guys.