Professional Singer

Professional Singer
There are a lot of things that I’m really good at… Selling houses, being the loudest person in the room, and finding the perfect excuse to order dessert and to avoid the gym (just to name a few)- but one thing that I have never been good at is singing. I remember in second grade I was cast to be one of the two wicked step sisters in Cinderella. I was thrilled to have gotten the part but thought it was odd that all the main people in the play got to sing solo’s but I didn’t. What I have since realized is that they were protecting me from the obvious backlash of disgust and teasing that would have ensued if I had been allowed to sing. I’ve frequently thought about auditioning for American Idol so that I could get my own record deal similar to the one that the Asian kid got that sang the Ricky Martin song… She bangs… She bangs…
Early on I began singing to Hayden. Out of pure desperation, of course. I figured if the child wouldn’t sleep, I would torture her with my own renditions of anything Aerosmith. Much to my shock, she enjoyed my classic rock lullabies and would fall asleep. Amazing. I became more eager to sing to the little diva. In the car, I would sing lots of Madonna and Janet Jackson. She would clap and dance. I’ve begun to think that everyone is wrong all these years and the truth is that I’m an excellent singer. I mean, if an 18 month old things I’m a pro- I obviously must be. Now, I put soul into the songs we sing. You’ve never seen a performance like when I belt out “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. It’s a Broadway production. I’ve begun to choreograph dances to old time favorites like “The Wheel’s on the Bus” because I’m now under the impression that Hayden and I will become some famous mother daughter singing team. Similar to those Judd people minus anything country sounding.
Now that Hayden is becoming a chatter box, she also thinks she’s an excellent singer. She will bust into song at almost any time. At first it was cute. We’d be at Walmart and all of a sudden she’s start singing “E G P”- (her version of the Alphabet Song). Last weekend we had a small problem. We were at a memorial service for my Great Aunt when the priest sang out “Alleluia… Alleluia…” followed by a moment of silence for prayers. Hayden found this to be the perfect time to sing a favorite tune of her own… “E… I… E… I…O”. Her voice rang out loudly through the high ceilings of the church. Many people thought it was hysterical. Me, not so much.
But you know what else I’ve realized? She doesn’t really have that great of a singing voice. I mean, it’s okay for an 18 month old- but nothing like what Christina Aguilera sounded liked in old videos I saw of her on one of those VH1 documentaries. I will continue to bring her to her music classes and further explore our mother daughter capabilities, but I think I better go back to my original plan of becoming a mother daughter Trapeze swinging team. Ringling Bros. is always hiring.