Were they always so
mean?
One of my earliest memories of elementary school was when a group
of 3rd grade girls walked by me in the hallway, stared at my
inferior 2nd grade-self and called me a slut. I couldn’t tell you who my teacher was that
year, or anything I learned for that matte but I’ll never forget that feeling
of confusion and hurt. When you’re seven
years old, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you’re not a slut. The 80’s were a different time. If your parent’s didn’t have HBO, you really
had no idea what sex was or what a person did to become a slut. It’s not like now where most 7 year olds know
more about sexting than I’ll ever comprehend.
I remember telling my cousin and her friend, Jen, about the
encounter. I looked to them because they
were also in 3rd grade and clearly knew a lot more than I did about
this whole “slut” thing. I remember Jen
telling me to call them a “hoe”. My
cousin looked at her as if she were crazy and exclaimed that no one knew what
that meant. Jen insisted that it was the
new word for slut. In retrospect, Jen
was damn right. Who knew both a 3rd
grade white girl and Eazy-E would be so cutting edge.
The next day when the mean girls passed me in the hall, they
once again proclaimed “slut” and I uncertainly mumbled “hoe”. (Note the singular usage towards a group of
three girls- I obviously didn’t comprehend the need to pluralize “hoe”)
They just stared at me and didn’t respond.
At that point, I didn’t know if they were surprised that I knew how to
speak or if they were just as dumbfounded at this new word “hoe”. Regardless, they never picked on me
again. I had found a voice.
My father once told me that I should never start a fight,
but if it happens, to make sure I was the one that ended it. I’m proud to say that never, ever have I ever
gotten into a physical fight with someone.
I mean, I traded blows with my brother, but who hasn’t? Somehow through elementary school, middle
school, high school and college, my big mouth has always gotten me out of
trouble. I guess I should thank those
little hoes for teaching me how to stand up for myself.
This has always been in the back of my mind. When I became
a parent, I began to worry. Who was
going to be the first kid to call my Hayden a name? Would she know how to
react? I see it on the playground often. The older kids will start pushing, calling
her a baby, and I bite my lip in rage while she smiles and moves aside. Let’s be honest, I want to grab their parent
and use my big mouth to tell them to get a grip on their asshole kid- but alas,
I’m a grown up and somehow that’s no longer acceptable.
Recently, there’s this story about a father in Shelton, CT
who allegedly hired a 17 year old girl (paid her a whopping $21) to beat up his
daughter’s bully. Now, my first reaction
was probably similar to yours- What parent in their right mind would possibly
do that? But then his 15 year old
daughter detailed what this bully had done to her- She had spread rumors
throughout the school that she was pregnant.
Random boys would come up to her and rub her belly and ask her how far
along she was- This bully tormented her, called her all kinds of names, and
had other students behave the same way towards her. She was so embarrassed and distraught she
wanted to switch schools. $21 to see
this bully get punched in the face doesn’t sound so horrible anymore, does
it? I probably would have paid a lot
more than that if some loser kid put my Hayden through that ordeal.
Another friend of mine texted me recently to tell me about a
twelve year old girl who randomly locked her and her three year old daughter
inside of a bathroom when they were on a ferry.
Her daughter was scared while she banged on the door until someone let
them out. I calmly asked her if she
called that twelve year old a little cunt, she replied no, there were too many
people around.
This comes with a double edged sword as far as I’m
concerned. The real world outside of the
classroom has plenty of mean girls (and boys!)- Children need to learn how to
deal with them just the same way adults need to. Yet, there needs to be some guidelines now
that social media has taken hurtful words to a whole new public dimension. Do I have answers? Absolutely not. I'll leave it to Lady Gaga to figure out. What I will do is give Hayden the same advice a wise old
man gave to me though- never start a fight, but if one should happen, makes sure
she’s the one who ends it.